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NAME:

More Februarų...

PROFILE

CARMEN SOMMERFIELD-BLACKWILL

AGE: GUESS! I'M OLDER THAN MITZI, BUT YOUNGER THAN TOTIE. ACTUALLY, MY MOTHER WENT TO SCHOOL WITH TWIGGY! BIRTHPLACE: L.A. (Lower Akron) MARITAL STATUS: I'M A 4 TIME WEALTHY WIDOW CHILDREN: 3 (One of each)

OCCUPATION:

GOSSIP SOOTHSAYER AND V.N.'s RESIDENT

BITCH. IF YOU TOOK AWAY MY JOB, I'D..... KILL! THE WORST PART OF MY JOB IS... THE BULLSHIT I

GET FROM MY EDITORS ABOUT SAYING "FUCK"

CARMEN

I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO... SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT MELISSA ROSS

I HOPE I NEVER HAVE TO... CHRONOLOGICALLY NAME MY SEX PARTNERS BEHIND MY BACK... PEOPLE LIE AND SAY I'M LADY Z OR THAT THEY

REALLY KNOW ME TEN YEARS FROM NOW, I WANT TO... BE ALIVE WHEN NOBODY'S LOOKING, I... DRESS UP LIKE DELLA DEVINE AND TROLL W. 9th ST. MY WORST FEAR IN LIFE IS... WAKING UP LOOKING LIKE MONA DESMOND MY FRIENDS LIKE ME BECAUSE ... I'M STILL ALIVE AND LOOK WORSE THAN THEY DO MY BIGGEST FAULT IS... I LOVE BEING A BITCH MOST UNUSUAL PLACE I'VE HAD SEX WAS...A CLOSET IN THE WHITE HOUSE THE BEST ADVICE MOTHER EVER GAVE ME WAS... TO MARRY FOR MONEY & A BIG HOOTER WHEN I Go to the MOON AGAIN, I WANT TO TAKE... EXTRA TOILET PAPER WHAT AGE DID I HAVE MY FIRST GAY SEX EXPERIENCE? I WAS BREAST FED IF I COULD TALK TO ANYONE BACK IN HISTORY, I'D PICK... ZEUS MY MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT IN LIFE HAS TO BE... WHEN I ENGULFED MY DILDO DURING THE SAN FRANCISCO EARTHQUAKE TO ME, A GOOD TIME IS... WATCHING THE GUYS AT THE URINAL SHAKE IT MORE THAN TWICE MY FIRST JOB WAS... DOING THE DOORMAN AT THE BRITISH EMBASSY IN SWITZERLAND IF I COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT MY BODY, IT WOULD BE... EVERYTHING WHEN I'M GONE, I WANT TO BE REMEMBERED FOR... COINING THE PHRASE "CHOKE 'EM IF THEY CAN'T TAKE FUCK” BEST IDEA I EVER HAD WAS... TO BUY GLASSES BEFORE IT WAS TOO LATE MY PERSONAL HEROS ARE... MY GAY PARENTS (Mark & Twiggy) IF I'VE LEARNED ONE THING IN LIFE, IT'S... PEOPLE WILL ALWAYS PAY FOR GOOD SEX I WISH I COULD STOP... STOP PAYING AT MY AGE.

REMEMBER, EVERYBODY LOVES ME,

I'M CARMEN!!